The trap of Guy/Girl Relationships seems harmless, but can really spoil and derail your future marriage relationship. In order for you to have a happy marriage and happy home you must develop a solid and consistent personal walk with God. This is foundational to maintaining all other interpersonal relationships. Read Ephesians 5 & 6 and notice how Paul lays it out. He says the same exact thing!
Unfortunately, in most cases a teenage relationship develops to replace the God relationship. Many teens are looking for satisfaction, fulfillment, love, identity, and security so they look for those things in the opposite sex because they haven’t found it in God. This happens way more than you think!
Disclaimer: It’s a good thing for teen guys to start liking teen girls and for teen girls to start liking teen guys. Praise God for this! This is natural and expected! My point is to not tie yourself down with an exclusive dating guy/girl relationship during your teen years. Here’s why…
A biblical example of a wrong relationship is found in Judges 14-16 with a guy named Samson. He was lured into a secular worldview and lifestyle (Tim-nath) and was so dominated by his sinful appetites and selfish desires that he didn’t care much about honoring and accepting authority (God & parents). He pursued a forbidden relationship that developed at an unhealthy pace and it quickly deteriorated! What a shame! Learn from this!
A biblical example of a right relationship is found in Genesis 24, Isaac & Rebekah. From the start they wanted God to be preeminent and they honored and embraced authority and allowed their relationship to develop at a healthy pace. They highly valued their sexual purity and their marriage relationship started on a great foundation! Big difference!
- 6 Statements about Guy/Girl Relationships -
1. Many times an exclusive teen guy/girl relationship develops to replace the God relationship. – Every teenager longs for acceptance, love, identity, hope, fulfillment, satisfaction, and security. In other words, you want to be wanted. When you don’t find these things in your relationship with God and/or your parents you will often look for them through a dating relationship (opposite sex). Consequently, the dating relationship becomes a replacement for something that should be fulfilled in God and in the home.
2. In order for God to guide, you must keep Him first and your friendships second. – If you boil down the dating and marriage relationship it is a friendship, two people who want to hang out with each other. It’s that simple! It is vital that your relationship with God holds first place because all other friendships you develop flow out of the condition of that one.
3. Understand that relationships are designed to progress (move), but teen guy/girl relationships have nowhere to go and heads for disaster! – Every guy/girl relationship is designed to move, eventually to marriage (emotionally, socially, and physically). This is how God designed it! 2 teenagers who aren’t ready to make the marriage commitment (in the will of God) who choose to be in a dating relationship have nowhere to go. There are only 2 ways the relationship can go –
1. Immorality (physical, sex) 2. Break-Up (Drama!)
4. You must focus on becoming the right person rather than trying to find the right person. Big difference! – Here is the key! Pop-culture wants you to believe that you must dress, look, talk, and act a certain way and you will find “true love” and “true identity.” Their message is, “get out there and find that person!” May I encourage you and challenge that thinking? That is NOT what God wants you to do. He wants you to take your precious teen years and focus (prepare) on becoming the right person! Astronomical difference!
5. Recognize that when you choose to be in an exclusive guy/girl relationship you trade needed preparation for pretend. This is a really bad trade! – The reason you submerge yourself into a relationship is because you are tired of waiting. In order to speed up this “waiting period” you will look for that dating relationship and trade valuable preparation years for pretend love, pretend marriage, pretend experience, pretend acceptance. This distracts you from preparing for your future roles! This is exactly the trap that Satan wants you to fall into!
If you want to have a solid marriage, be a great parent, and experience an awesome family life that all starts now! Don’t waste or wish away your training years for something that is fake (pretend).
- Start now understanding the role and responsibilities of a spouse.
- Start now grasping the function of a parent.
- Start now understanding how God views the family.
- Start now discipling your mind to be sexually pure.
- Start now practicing self-control.
- Start now establishing your convictions, values, and morals.
- Start now learning what it means to make a commitment.
- …and so forth.
If you don’t, your marriage will deteriorate or be dysfunctional and you will spend years undoing and learning things you should have learned as a teenager. Embrace your teen years!
6. It is wise for you to wait till after high school for a serious exclusive guy/girl dating relationship. – In order for you to focus on this needed training and preparation for your adult life. It would be a wise and safe thing to not lock yourself into an exclusive guy/girl relationship. If you do, you will stop the preparation and start pretending. Don’t waste these years God has given you on purpose. I promise, you will be light-years ahead of your peers when the time comes to get married. You will have the proper foundation laid and have a great launch into your adult years!
Now that you understand how this works, how are you going to approach your guy/girl relationships? Prepare or Pretend?
Note: Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions, concerns, comments, or testimonies. I would be thrilled to serve you!
Credit: Part of this outline is adapted from Cary Schmidt, student pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church. He has made his sermon material available for this study on Teen Traps.
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