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Category Archives: Relationships

Teen Trap #7: Bitterness

Satan would love for you to live an embittered life because it is like a poison that contaminates and pollutes your entire being (thinking, emotions, speech, and actions). It controls you!

Bitterness Defined: “An angry response coupled with an unforgiving spirit towards someone who has violated your justice system.”

[Anger + Unforgiveness = Bitterness]

An example of bitterness is found in 2 Samuel 13-18 in the life of Absalom. His justice system was violated when his sister Tamar was raped by Amnon. He responded bitterly to that unfavorable circumstance and sought revenge. To make a long story short, Absalom’s bitterness festered and it eventually led to a war that ended in his death. A bitter person is one who suffers the unhappiness, frustration, and misery of his own unresolved anger.

An example of forgiveness is found in Luke 22-23 in the life of Jesus Christ! Christ was betrayed by Judas, rejected by Peter, persecuted by the Jews, falsely accused by Roman authorities, and crucified by the people and how did he respond? With forgiveness! Christ is a perfect and tremendous example of how to properly respond when mistreated. Forgiveness must always be given no matter how often the offense occurs.

 7 Statements about Bitterness

1. Bitterness is probably the most common root sin in the average Christian’s life. Everyone is susceptible!

2. I acknowledge that bitterness leads to a warped thought process and causes me to do stupid things! – Bitterness is like cancer/poison it will contaminate and infiltrate your entire being (thinking, emotions, and actions) and cause you to do some pretty stupid things (i.e. divorce your spouse, smear someone’s reputation, reject your parent’s counsel, stop serving in the local church, immorality, materialism, unplanned destination, etc)!

3. I realize that bitterness will cause me to seek revenge on someone who has hurt me. – When you are hurting you want the pain to go away and if you don’t respond with forgiveness you will find ways to “get even” with the person who has hurt you. All in hopes that getting even will make the pain go away and make you feel better, but it doesn’t, it only worsens the situation! For example, if a teen daughter is bitter at her father and she will do the total opposite just to get back (hurt) at her dad!

4. A bitter spirit attracts bitter friends and connections and greatly impacts my future decisions. – Bitter people find bitter people and they hang out! It’s your support group. Your sympathizers! People who will consol and justify your sin. Prov. 22:24-25, “Make no friendships with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: [Why?] Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”

5. I recognize that the only cure for a bitter spirit is complete forgiveness! I don’t have to become bitter! – God knows that hurt/pain/unfavorable circumstances will enter your life and He has provided the complete cure: Forgiveness! This is the neo-sporran to all hurt! You don’t have to get bitter! You can live bitter-free!

6. I can’t always control my circumstances, but I can control how I respond to those circumstances. – Things are going to take place throughout the course of your life, good things and bad things. Much of this will be out of your control, but how you respond to it is in your control. How will you respond? Bitterness or Forgiveness?

7. To protect myself from responding in bitterness, I must memorize, meditate on, and apply Scripture. Here are some great verses for dealing with a bitter spirit: Prov. 14:29; Lk. 6:27-28; Eph. 4:31-32; Heb. 12:14-15.

When your justice system is violated, when hurt comes, how will you respond? Bitterness or Forgiveness?

Teen Trap #5: Guy/Girl Relationships

The trap of Guy/Girl Relationships seems harmless, but can really spoil and derail your future marriage relationship. In order for you to have a happy marriage and happy home you must develop a solid and consistent personal walk with God. This is foundational to maintaining all other interpersonal relationships. Read Ephesians 5 & 6 and notice how Paul lays it out. He says the same exact thing!

Unfortunately, in most cases a teenage relationship develops to replace the God relationship. Many teens are looking for satisfaction, fulfillment, love, identity, and security so they look for those things in the opposite sex because they haven’t found it in God. This happens way more than you think!

Disclaimer: It’s a good thing for teen guys to start liking teen girls and for teen girls to start liking teen guys. Praise God for this! This is natural and expected! My point is to not tie yourself down with an exclusive dating guy/girl relationship during your teen years. Here’s why…

A biblical example of a wrong relationship is found in Judges 14-16 with a guy named Samson. He was lured into a secular worldview and lifestyle (Tim-nath) and was so dominated by his sinful appetites and selfish desires that he didn’t care much about honoring and accepting authority (God & parents). He pursued a forbidden relationship that developed at an unhealthy pace and it quickly deteriorated! What a shame!  Learn from this!

A biblical example of a right relationship is found in Genesis 24, Isaac & Rebekah. From the start they wanted God to be preeminent and they honored and embraced authority and allowed their relationship to develop at a healthy pace. They highly valued their sexual purity and their marriage relationship started on a great foundation! Big difference!

 - 6 Statements about Guy/Girl Relationships -

1. Many times an exclusive teen guy/girl relationship develops to replace the God relationship. – Every teenager longs for acceptance, love, identity, hope, fulfillment, satisfaction, and security. In other words, you want to be wanted. When you don’t find these things in your relationship with God and/or your parents you will often look for them through a dating relationship (opposite sex). Consequently, the dating relationship becomes a replacement for something that should be fulfilled in God and in the home.

2. In order for God to guide, you must keep Him first and your friendships second. – If you boil down the dating and marriage relationship it is a friendship, two people who want to hang out with each other. It’s that simple! It is vital that your relationship with God holds first place because all other friendships you develop flow out of the condition of that one.

3. Understand that relationships are designed to progress (move), but teen guy/girl relationships have nowhere to go and heads for disaster! – Every guy/girl relationship is designed to move, eventually to marriage (emotionally, socially, and physically). This is how God designed it! 2 teenagers who aren’t ready to make the marriage commitment (in the will of God) who choose to be in a dating relationship have nowhere to go. There are only 2 ways the relationship can go –

 1. Immorality (physical, sex)             2. Break-Up (Drama!)

4. You must focus on becoming the right person rather than trying to find the right person. Big difference! – Here is the key! Pop-culture wants you to believe that you must dress, look, talk, and act a certain way and you will find “true love” and “true identity.” Their message is, “get out there and find that person!” May I encourage you and challenge that thinking? That is NOT what God wants you to do. He wants you to take your precious teen years and focus (prepare) on becoming the right person! Astronomical difference!

5. Recognize that when you choose to be in an exclusive guy/girl relationship you trade needed preparation for pretend. This is a really bad trade! – The reason you submerge yourself into a relationship is because you are tired of waiting. In order to speed up this “waiting period” you will look for that dating relationship and trade valuable preparation years for pretend love, pretend marriage, pretend experience, pretend acceptance. This distracts you from preparing for your future roles! This is exactly the trap that Satan wants you to fall into!

If you want to have a solid marriage, be a great parent, and experience an awesome family life that all starts now! Don’t waste or wish away your training years for something that is fake (pretend).

  • Start now understanding the role and responsibilities of a spouse.
  • Start now grasping the function of a parent.
  • Start now understanding how God views the family.
  • Start now discipling your mind to be sexually pure.
  • Start now practicing self-control.
  • Start now establishing your convictions, values, and morals.
  • Start now learning what it means to make a commitment.
  • …and so forth.

If you don’t, your marriage will deteriorate or be dysfunctional and you will spend years undoing and learning things you should have learned as a teenager. Embrace your teen years! 

6. It is wise for you to wait till after high school for a serious exclusive guy/girl dating relationship. – In order for you to focus on this needed training and preparation for your adult life. It would be a wise and safe thing to not lock yourself into an exclusive guy/girl relationship. If you do, you will stop the preparation and start pretending. Don’t waste these years God has given you on purpose. I promise, you will be light-years ahead of your peers when the time comes to get married. You will have the proper foundation laid and have a great launch into your adult years!

Now that you understand how this works, how are you going to approach your guy/girl relationships? Prepare or Pretend?

 

Note: Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions, concerns, comments, or testimonies. I would be thrilled to serve you!

Credit: Part of this outline is adapted from Cary Schmidt, student pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church. He has made his sermon material available for this study on Teen Traps. 

Teen Trap #4: Sexual Impurity

The #1 trap Satan would love for you to fall into is the trap of sexual impurity. Sex is a very sacred subject with very high consequences! Your response to this post could save you from a broken marriage, broken home, divorce, unplanned children, infidelity, etc.

You need to know the truth about sex! Sadly, generations of parents have stopped teaching their children about sex. You need guidance and a place of safety where you can transparently talk about these things. The reason many teens are giving in to sexual impurity is because they don’t what is real and what is fake. Pop-culture and Satan are doing a good job at twisting and distorting the truth. Anything of value is worth fighting for!

A Biblical example of sexual impurity is found in 2 Samuel 11:1-27. King David places himself into an environment where he would be sexually tempted. He bows to that temptation and has sex with another man’s wife, Bathsheba. King David finds out that she is pregnant and goes into panic mode to cover up his sexual sin. That doesn’t work and David ends up paying a very high price tag for his sexual impurity! V.27, “But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”

A Biblical example of sexual purity is found in Genesis 39:1-23. Joseph is working diligently as a servant in Potiphar’s house and has an opportunity to have sex with another man’s wife. Potiphar’s wife day after day hounds Joseph to have sex with her and Joseph refuses because he wants to honor and obey God. He eventually removes himself from this sexual temptation and God blesses and promotes Joseph and greatly uses him later in Pharaoh’s kingdom. V.23, “…the Lord was with him, and that which he did, the Lord made it to prosper.”

 7 Statements about Sexual Impurity

1. I understand that sex is a sensitive and critical topic regarding my life and future. – This contradicts everything pop-culture wants you to believe. They want to joke about this, they lie about this, they are seeking to pervert your thinking, and it’s no big deal! I’m here to tell you that how you view sex WILL determine the kind of future you will have.

2. I acknowledge that out of all the ways Satan can trap me, sexual impurity is the #1 way! –Satan is seeking to destroy your teen years so you will have a terrible adult life with lots of emotional baggage, guilt, and regret. He wants to paralyze any potential you have for serving God. So, he uses SEX to do that. Sex is the #1 target he has on your back right now. He wants you to be out-of-control sexually! He wants you to be led around by your sexual desires and emotions. Doesn’t it make sense now why every TV show, movie, song, marketing commercial is focused on sex?!  PROTECT YOUR PURITY!

3. It is vital that I maintain a close relationship with authority (preferably my parents) that can help me know the truth about sex from the Bible. – Parents have a tough time talking to their kids about sex. It’s uncomfortable. The easy thing to do is just to talk to your friends about it or watch a movie, but when you talk to your parents about sex you will get PURE truth!!! You need to ask questions to someone who loves you and wants to protect you!! (If your parents haven’t or won’t, please talk to your youth pastor and wife). YOU NEED PURE TRUTH!

4. The reason I have sexual desires as a teenager is so I can prepare for a pure marriage and adult life. – Think about this…do you ever wonder why God activates you sexually at like 12 or 13, but then you have to wait like 10 years before you can fulfill those desires in the boundaries of marriage? Wanna know why? God wants you to have time to prepare for a pure marriage and adult life! Before puberty teen boys are still building tree forts with “no girls allowed” signs and girls are playing with Barbie dolls! You aren’t thinking about marriage, love, relationships, and SEX. But NOW…this stuff gets your attention, you are drawn to many of these things. You need time to prepare to deal with these physical and emotional changes. What better time to prepare than in your teen years! DON’T FIGHT OR NEGLECT THE PREPARATION!

5. I must remove myself from any environments that are perverting and defiling my sexual purity. – You will continue to get pumped with all kinds of lies about sex until you remove yourself from those environments. Do what Joseph did! Put on your running shoes!

6. I believe that sexual purity before marriage is the best way to start an awesome marriage! – I promise you that if you keep yourself pure for your wedding day you will be on a biblical foundation for that marriage! This is God’s way (Gen. 2:24-25)!

7. I believe God’s plan and will commit myself to sexual purity. Stay Pure! Stay Pure! Stay Pure! – God wants you to remain pure, because God is a pure and holy God. You must reflect that in your life. Teenagers and young adults today who are sexually pure are rare and will present many witnessing opportunities.

Someone, somewhere, at some point will try to get you to become sexually active in some way. If you choose to remain sexually pure in a sexually impure world, God will give you the gift of awesome life!

Finish this statement: In order for me to remain sexually pure I will . . .

Credit: A part of this outline is adapted from Cary Schmidt, student pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church. He has made his sermon material available for this study on Teen Traps. 

Teen Trap #3: Decision Making

Traps are intentionally designed to look attractive and fun, but are based in hurt, pain, and deceit. Right now, Satan is strategically placing traps in and around your life hoping to ruin your future. The next trap is DECISION MAKING.

An example of bad decision making is found in 1 Kings 12:1-19. King Rehoboam is installed as the king and the people make a request of less work and lower taxes. Rehoboam rejects counsel from older men (guys who have lots of wisdom through years and experience) and listens and accepts the counsel from his the younger men (his peers) and the nation of Israel is divided.  You are just one bad decision away from spiritual destruction!

An example of good decision making is found in Exodus 18:1-27. Moses is single-handedly carrying out the responsibility of upholding the OT law day in and day out, to the point where he is exhausting himself physically. Jethro, Moses father-in-law, presents some wise counsel and Moses graciously accepts it. As a result, Moses’ responsibilities got easier and God continued to bless his life and ministry! You are just one good decision away from spiritual construction!

-7 Statements about Decision Making-

1. Everyone is faced with making decisions regarding their future. I’m not alone! – During your teen years is when you are going to make some of the most monumental life-changing decisions. You can’t escape this! There will always be decisions to make especially during this time of your life.

2. The people I spend the most time with will greatly influence my decision making. – Basically 2 reasons why this happens:

  1. Fear – Because of fear and the desire to be accepted by others. You don’t want to upset or disappoint anyone.
  2. Popularity – Many teens tend to do what everyone else is doing. It must be right it a lot of people are making that same decisions.

3. Godly decision making starts with a desire to honor and obey God. – You see this clearly in our Biblical examples. Rehoboam wanted to please self and Moses wanted to please God. That is why they had different outcomes. If you want to make godly decisions in your life it MUST begin with a desire to honor and obey God.

4. I must take time to think through how my decisions will impact myself and others. – In the heat of a decision it is easy to do what instantly gratifies or fixes the problem, but what about the long-term impact? How will this affect me and other people around me?

5. I must value the counsel of the spiritual leaders in my life. They really care and love me! – This is huge! You have access to many spiritual leaders (Pastor, parents, youth leaders, etc). Take time to sit down with these types of people and value their advice. Don’t feel like they are going to trash and belittle your ideas, dreams, or goals. They love you!

6. If I’m fearful and/or negligent of seeking godly counsel, I’m heading in an unsafe direction. – It’s easy to go through your teen years thinking that you can handle these life-changing decisions with no help/counsel. YOU ARE WRONG! The spiritual leaders in your life know and can see things that you can’t. This will help you tremendously! If you aren’t taking time to seek godly counsel then you are heading in an unsafe direction.

  •  Prov. 11:14, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
  •  Prov. 15:22, “Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”

7. I will make a habit of taking my future decisions to God waaaaay before I have to make them. I will avoid making hasty decisions! – It is difficult to watch teenagers make panicked/hasty decisions that will change their life. The reason why many teens wait to the very last possible moment to make a big decision is, I believe, due to the lack of taking it before God in prayer and fear of what the future holds. Not that you need to have your whole life mapped out in every detail, but you need to intentionally take these enormous decisions before the Lord waaaaay before you have to make them. This will enable you to trust God with your unknown future. Stop ignoring the future decisions you have rapidly coming up. Don’t fall into the trap of making hasty (quick) decisions.

 -Application-

1. What future decisions do I have coming up? – Make a list of upcoming substantial decisions you have to make. Go ahead and recognize them. Get them on your radar! Face it!

2. Who am I going to seek counsel from? – Start now seeking godly counsel about these significant decisions. It will help you and keep you from a ruined life.

Spiritual Umbrellas, part 2

I finally got my wish! One of the members in my youth group held an umbrella over my head! It was awesome to have this kind of treatment, especially during my birthday week!

The next Spiritual Umbrella that every young person needs to recognize and submit to and that is the umbrella of parents.

Why Parents? Parenting is the agency that teaches the next generation the ways of God! Take some time and read through Deut. 6:1-9 and you will see the huge responsibilities that parents have. Talk about pressure! In order for you to have God’s blessing in your life you must submit to your parents! How? Ephesians 6:1-3.

You must Outwardly Obey your Parents (v.1) – This is manifested in your actions. Obeying your parents outwardly means to submit, yield, and surrender to their authority. God calls this righteous living!

You must Inwardly Honor your Parents (v.2) – This is where it gets tough! You can go “though the motions” of outward obedience, but do you inwardly respect your parents with your attitude?

You would have no problem regarding (honoring) a highly educated, well-known doctor, because he knows what he is talking about. You would take his advice with no problem. This should be your attitude towards you parents! They may not be perfect, but they are God’s way of protecting and guiding you. So honor them! Many times they know what they are talking about!

Why? Why? Why? (v.3) – God promises blessing and protection when you living under the umbrella of your parents. Read the verse! You can’t go wrong here!

If you are in a position of rebellion against your parents, you are among the most miserable people walking the planet. Don’t spend your life trying to break free from your parents rule. God will honor and bless you if you obey and honor them! Go do it!