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5 Ways to Avoid the Traps

As I wrap up this study on “Avoiding the Traps of the Teen Years” I want to leave you with 5 ways you can avoid the traps…

1. Daily Walk with God (Col. 2:6) – “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, [so] walk ye in him.” Everything hinges on if you are personally walking with God or not. God will protect and guide you if you are walking with Him. God will steer you around and protect you from the dangerous traps! Your time with God is your shelter (place of safety) from the traps!

2. Study God’s Word (Psm. 119:110) – “The wicked have laid a snare for me: yet I erred not from thy precepts.” Christian teens who don’t study their Bibles are walking around through the teen years in darkness. You won’t know where the traps are! Darkness is no fun! (Just ask your toes!) God’s Word educates you on where not to step, why not to step there, and how to avoid it. God’s Word is a lamp to your feet!

3. Guard Your Words (Prov. 18:6-7) – “A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes. A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.” Your own words can take you down a path of destruction. Your tongue influences your entire body (See James 3:2-6). Your tongue is the master control of your whole body, directing every aspect of your behavior. Your tongue is the “rudder” that determines the type of life you will have. How you talk determines the type of life you will have!

4. Choose Your Friends Wisely (Prov. 22:24-25) – “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” Nobody falls into traps by themselves, rarely does that happen! If you stray from God you will befriend people who are similar in character and will fall into the traps. Likewise, if you are walking with God you will find people who are walking with God. You will be around the crowd that is avoiding the teen traps! Friend carefully!

5. Submit to Authority (Prov. 3:1-4) – “My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.” The authorities God has placed into your life are there to protect, guide, and watch over you. They want you to avoid the traps! Authority is a good thing!

Psalm 91:1-10 (KJV)

Imagine yourself in the middle of a fierce battlefield, where people all around you are going down, getting slaughtered, etc. and you are indestructible! The psalmist is convinced that there is security in trusting the Most High God, he encouraged himself that he would be delivered from the various attacks of the wicked. This psalm is a beautiful testimony about security in life!

“1He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3Surely he shall deliver thee from the Snare [trap] of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy Shield and buckler. 5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.”

Are you heading towards the traps OR away from the traps?

Teen Trap #8: Media

A few years ago I was in the Verizon store I overheard a conversation between a teen girl and her mom. The teen girl expressed how she wanted a particular expensive phone and her mom stated, “it’s just a phone; I don’t understand why you need this. It’s not like the phone is your life.” Then the teen girl responded, “No mom, my phone is my life!” Then she walked away. This teen girl fell into the trap that I’m hoping you will avoid.

Media is an agency by which a message is conveyed, transmitted, or transferred to someone else. It is a popular avenue for mass communication. Think about it…the smartphone you have in your back pocket can be used to connect with almost anyone in the entire world to receive or deliver a message! With your daily interaction with various sorts of media you are confronted with all kinds of messages, posts, tweets, videos, lyrics, etc that will impact your life in some manner.

The messages that media transmits can defile your thinking! For example, Achan (Joshua 7:1-26) allowed his eyes (what he saw) to affect his meditation (what he thought) which led to sin and deception (what he did). Achan allowed his input to control his output and it resulted in regret and the death penalty.  

If you want to live in a high-tech world undefiled follow these Scripture principles: Don’t submerge yourself into a sinful culture, but find your delight in meditating on God’s Word (Psalm 1:1-3). Choose to allow your words and thoughts to be pleasing to God (Psalm 19:14). Guard your mind from defiling influences and messages (Proverbs 4:23). Tear down meditations (thoughts) that contradict God’s Word (2 Cor. 10:5).

Your mind is the Most Valuable Player in your life. All the decisions you make will flow from your mind. Guard it! 

- 6 Statements about Media -

1. I recognize that I live in a media saturated age and that every wrong thing is screaming for my attention—my meditation. – Remember, media is way to mass communicate messages to other people. Someone somewhere wants you to listen to what they have to say. They are screaming for your attention! If you give them your attention they will start to convince you of their agenda and that will impact the way you live.

2. I acknowledge that media obsession is a huge part of today’s teen culture. *The average teenager spends about 53 hours per week consuming media! – Media is part of American/Worldwide culture and can definitely be used for many godly things and works. However, out of control media usage is dangerous and can really have some generational side-effects. By the way, 53 hours of media consumption is more hours than a full-time job! *Source: According to the Kaiser Family Foundation reporting via the USA Today & L.A. Times

3. I understand that much of modern media is either trying to defile (corrupt, brainwash, pollute) or divert (waste, occupy, squander) me. This can prevent me from preparing for my adult years. – Media that is out of control will do 2 things:

  • Defile – It will corrupt your beliefs, morals, and values about life. It will seek to change the way you think about issues (love, sex, relationships, politics, marriage, children, family, money, church, etc). Be extremely careful that media isn’t polluting you!
  • Divert – It will waste you! Media can be very addicting to the point where you squander away your time, energy, and money and have very little leftover to give to important matters. There is a time and place to enjoy media, but establish some guidelines to assure that you are NOT diverted from preparing for your future and growing spiritually!

4. My connection to cyber-world can cause me to disconnect from more important relationships (i.e. God, parents, pastor, family, etc.). It’s time to start using the OFF button!  Disconnect to reconnect! – As great as media can be, it’s sad that it has and currently is destroying relationships and friendships. We can get so plugged into our media we neglect to cultivate face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversations and genuine interaction with important people God has placed into our lives (parents, family)! It’s time for you to start disconnecting so you can reconnect with your God, your parents, your siblings, your pastor, your family!

5. I must remember that what I text, post, tweet, send, listen to, or watch may become a “digital fingerprint” that could haunt me later in life. – When consuming media keep in mind that what you type, post, view, skype, and listen to can come back to trouble you!! Every time you log on you leave behind some kind of digital fingerprint that can be detected and could bring regret, disappointment, and sorrow.

6. I realize that my media intake will be digested and will come out in the form of values, decisions, beliefs that cause me to do right or wrong.   Input = Output – Once again, your media input will produce a conduct output.  The media that you consume will tinker with your values, decisions, beliefs which will generate a lifestyle!

What I meditate on is what I will become!

Teen Trap #7: Bitterness

Satan would love for you to live an embittered life because it is like a poison that contaminates and pollutes your entire being (thinking, emotions, speech, and actions). It controls you!

Bitterness Defined: “An angry response coupled with an unforgiving spirit towards someone who has violated your justice system.”

[Anger + Unforgiveness = Bitterness]

An example of bitterness is found in 2 Samuel 13-18 in the life of Absalom. His justice system was violated when his sister Tamar was raped by Amnon. He responded bitterly to that unfavorable circumstance and sought revenge. To make a long story short, Absalom’s bitterness festered and it eventually led to a war that ended in his death. A bitter person is one who suffers the unhappiness, frustration, and misery of his own unresolved anger.

An example of forgiveness is found in Luke 22-23 in the life of Jesus Christ! Christ was betrayed by Judas, rejected by Peter, persecuted by the Jews, falsely accused by Roman authorities, and crucified by the people and how did he respond? With forgiveness! Christ is a perfect and tremendous example of how to properly respond when mistreated. Forgiveness must always be given no matter how often the offense occurs.

 7 Statements about Bitterness

1. Bitterness is probably the most common root sin in the average Christian’s life. Everyone is susceptible!

2. I acknowledge that bitterness leads to a warped thought process and causes me to do stupid things! – Bitterness is like cancer/poison it will contaminate and infiltrate your entire being (thinking, emotions, and actions) and cause you to do some pretty stupid things (i.e. divorce your spouse, smear someone’s reputation, reject your parent’s counsel, stop serving in the local church, immorality, materialism, unplanned destination, etc)!

3. I realize that bitterness will cause me to seek revenge on someone who has hurt me. – When you are hurting you want the pain to go away and if you don’t respond with forgiveness you will find ways to “get even” with the person who has hurt you. All in hopes that getting even will make the pain go away and make you feel better, but it doesn’t, it only worsens the situation! For example, if a teen daughter is bitter at her father and she will do the total opposite just to get back (hurt) at her dad!

4. A bitter spirit attracts bitter friends and connections and greatly impacts my future decisions. – Bitter people find bitter people and they hang out! It’s your support group. Your sympathizers! People who will consol and justify your sin. Prov. 22:24-25, “Make no friendships with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: [Why?] Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.”

5. I recognize that the only cure for a bitter spirit is complete forgiveness! I don’t have to become bitter! – God knows that hurt/pain/unfavorable circumstances will enter your life and He has provided the complete cure: Forgiveness! This is the neo-sporran to all hurt! You don’t have to get bitter! You can live bitter-free!

6. I can’t always control my circumstances, but I can control how I respond to those circumstances. – Things are going to take place throughout the course of your life, good things and bad things. Much of this will be out of your control, but how you respond to it is in your control. How will you respond? Bitterness or Forgiveness?

7. To protect myself from responding in bitterness, I must memorize, meditate on, and apply Scripture. Here are some great verses for dealing with a bitter spirit: Prov. 14:29; Lk. 6:27-28; Eph. 4:31-32; Heb. 12:14-15.

When your justice system is violated, when hurt comes, how will you respond? Bitterness or Forgiveness?

Teen Trap #6: Hypocrisy

Satan would love nothing more than for you to fall into the trap of hypocrisy! If he can get you to say one thing and act another he has a big foothold in your life. If he can get you to be someone you aren’t then he can use that to mislead and derail others!  He wants you to live a fake life! Hypocrisy can utterly destroy your testimony!

Let’s be honest…everyone hates hypocrisy! You hate it! You hate duplicity. You hate dishonesty. You hate fakeness… BUT…you are a professional at being a hypocrite! You hate it in other people, but excuse it in yourself. You are very good at hiding what you really believe, what you really think, and how you really feel.

What is Hypocrisy? “It is a conflict between your beliefs and behavior.”

Biblical Example of Type 1 Hypocrisy:  This is someone who does NOT inwardly believe, but outwardly behaves like they do. The Pharisees in the NT (Matthew 23) are a clear example of this type of hypocrisy. They displayed a life of contradiction; they were always putting on a “spiritual show” for others to see, but they didn’t inwardly believe. The Pharisee focused more on the outward physical appearance than the inward heart condition. Sadly, there are many people attending churches today who are not saved, but sure act like it.

Biblical Example of Type 2 Hypocrisy: This is someone who inwardly believes, but does NOT outwardly behave like they do. Lot in Genesis 13, 19 was a believer (2 Peter 2:6-8), but didn’t live like it. He occupied himself with worldly matters and never developed any spiritual backbone for righteous living and when it came time for him to “live for God” he didn’t have any spiritual credibility with others. There are many Christians in churches today who are like this. They are genuinely saved, but worldly minded.

Authenticity: This is someone who inwardly believes AND outwardly behaves like it. Word and actions match up. There are many examples in scripture we could go to, but over in Numbers 13-14 you find Caleb & Joshua genuinely living for God! They were the real deal! They were very transparent around others and God greatly honored them for their authenticity. It is vital for Christians to be the same in public as they are in private. 

- 6 Statements about Hyporcisy -

1. Recognize that hypocrisy is a conflict between what you say (words) and how you act (behavior). – What areas in your life are you showing conflict between what you say and how you act?  Facebook? Social Environments? Gossip? Church? Priorities?  *You claim to be one thing but in reality you are another!

2. A hypocrite is someone who tries to please two gods at the same time. That is impossible! – Type 2 hypocrites want to serve God, but they love the world too much so they figure they can do BOTH! Never has this worked and it never will! You must make a decision and commitment about which “god” you are going to serve!

3. The day will come when your hypocrisy (fakeness) will breakdown and your true colors will be revealed. – Some of you are very good at playing the hypocrite. You are good at fooling people (pastors, parents, etc), but you aren’t fooling God and one day SOON all this fakeness will breakdown and the real you will be revealed! Time will tell!

4. Understand that the cause of hypocrisy is the result of a total lack of intimacy with God. – The reason people play the hypocrite is due to a failure to have a close relationship with God.

  • Type 1 needs to get saved!
  • Type 2 needs to put off!
  • Both are lacking an intimate relationship with God! When you don’t spend time with God and actively grow in your walk with Him you cover it up with hypocrisy.

5. Understand that the internal struggle to do right doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It is what you decide to do that determines who you really are. – Ok, read carefully! Someone who struggles (with the flesh) on doing what is right and OBEYS is NOT a hypocrite. For example – Let’s say you wake up and don’t feel like reading your Bible, does that make you a hypocrite? NO! – It’s the decision you make that determines the outcome.

Satan knows this and wants to paralyze your effectiveness for God by getting you to think that you are a hypocrite because you don’t always FEEL like doing spiritual things. Don’t fall into this trap! Hypocrisy or authenticity is all based on the outcome, not emotion.

6. God delights and takes pleasure not in perfection, but in authenticity. He wants you to be real! – Remember, authenticity is NOT perfection; it is action to do right. There will be times where you sin, but do you repent?  Real Christians get right with God. Real Christians admit their spiritual need to grow. Be the real deal! You must be the same person in public as you are behind closed doors!

 Are you hypocritical or authentic?

Photo Credit: Photo above taken by claudmey

Credit: A part of this outline was adapted from a sermon preached by Cary Schmidt, student pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church. 

Teen Trap #5: Guy/Girl Relationships

The trap of Guy/Girl Relationships seems harmless, but can really spoil and derail your future marriage relationship. In order for you to have a happy marriage and happy home you must develop a solid and consistent personal walk with God. This is foundational to maintaining all other interpersonal relationships. Read Ephesians 5 & 6 and notice how Paul lays it out. He says the same exact thing!

Unfortunately, in most cases a teenage relationship develops to replace the God relationship. Many teens are looking for satisfaction, fulfillment, love, identity, and security so they look for those things in the opposite sex because they haven’t found it in God. This happens way more than you think!

Disclaimer: It’s a good thing for teen guys to start liking teen girls and for teen girls to start liking teen guys. Praise God for this! This is natural and expected! My point is to not tie yourself down with an exclusive dating guy/girl relationship during your teen years. Here’s why…

A biblical example of a wrong relationship is found in Judges 14-16 with a guy named Samson. He was lured into a secular worldview and lifestyle (Tim-nath) and was so dominated by his sinful appetites and selfish desires that he didn’t care much about honoring and accepting authority (God & parents). He pursued a forbidden relationship that developed at an unhealthy pace and it quickly deteriorated! What a shame!  Learn from this!

A biblical example of a right relationship is found in Genesis 24, Isaac & Rebekah. From the start they wanted God to be preeminent and they honored and embraced authority and allowed their relationship to develop at a healthy pace. They highly valued their sexual purity and their marriage relationship started on a great foundation! Big difference!

 - 6 Statements about Guy/Girl Relationships -

1. Many times an exclusive teen guy/girl relationship develops to replace the God relationship. – Every teenager longs for acceptance, love, identity, hope, fulfillment, satisfaction, and security. In other words, you want to be wanted. When you don’t find these things in your relationship with God and/or your parents you will often look for them through a dating relationship (opposite sex). Consequently, the dating relationship becomes a replacement for something that should be fulfilled in God and in the home.

2. In order for God to guide, you must keep Him first and your friendships second. – If you boil down the dating and marriage relationship it is a friendship, two people who want to hang out with each other. It’s that simple! It is vital that your relationship with God holds first place because all other friendships you develop flow out of the condition of that one.

3. Understand that relationships are designed to progress (move), but teen guy/girl relationships have nowhere to go and heads for disaster! – Every guy/girl relationship is designed to move, eventually to marriage (emotionally, socially, and physically). This is how God designed it! 2 teenagers who aren’t ready to make the marriage commitment (in the will of God) who choose to be in a dating relationship have nowhere to go. There are only 2 ways the relationship can go –

 1. Immorality (physical, sex)             2. Break-Up (Drama!)

4. You must focus on becoming the right person rather than trying to find the right person. Big difference! – Here is the key! Pop-culture wants you to believe that you must dress, look, talk, and act a certain way and you will find “true love” and “true identity.” Their message is, “get out there and find that person!” May I encourage you and challenge that thinking? That is NOT what God wants you to do. He wants you to take your precious teen years and focus (prepare) on becoming the right person! Astronomical difference!

5. Recognize that when you choose to be in an exclusive guy/girl relationship you trade needed preparation for pretend. This is a really bad trade! – The reason you submerge yourself into a relationship is because you are tired of waiting. In order to speed up this “waiting period” you will look for that dating relationship and trade valuable preparation years for pretend love, pretend marriage, pretend experience, pretend acceptance. This distracts you from preparing for your future roles! This is exactly the trap that Satan wants you to fall into!

If you want to have a solid marriage, be a great parent, and experience an awesome family life that all starts now! Don’t waste or wish away your training years for something that is fake (pretend).

  • Start now understanding the role and responsibilities of a spouse.
  • Start now grasping the function of a parent.
  • Start now understanding how God views the family.
  • Start now discipling your mind to be sexually pure.
  • Start now practicing self-control.
  • Start now establishing your convictions, values, and morals.
  • Start now learning what it means to make a commitment.
  • …and so forth.

If you don’t, your marriage will deteriorate or be dysfunctional and you will spend years undoing and learning things you should have learned as a teenager. Embrace your teen years! 

6. It is wise for you to wait till after high school for a serious exclusive guy/girl dating relationship. – In order for you to focus on this needed training and preparation for your adult life. It would be a wise and safe thing to not lock yourself into an exclusive guy/girl relationship. If you do, you will stop the preparation and start pretending. Don’t waste these years God has given you on purpose. I promise, you will be light-years ahead of your peers when the time comes to get married. You will have the proper foundation laid and have a great launch into your adult years!

Now that you understand how this works, how are you going to approach your guy/girl relationships? Prepare or Pretend?

 

Note: Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions, concerns, comments, or testimonies. I would be thrilled to serve you!

Credit: Part of this outline is adapted from Cary Schmidt, student pastor at Lancaster Baptist Church. He has made his sermon material available for this study on Teen Traps.